Speechless...

Today's my grandma's birthday..we all families celebrate it together at taipan..yes, its the biggest birthday party we've ever had...with two VIP rooms..my cousin's bf was there as well....I dint talk much with him but from the first time I knew him couple years ago, I realised he's a good guy..with a good family background of course...

When I looked at my cousins and the happy faces of my families...I realised that he is the one that they are looking for..a perfect guy that fit the qualifications..

Then everything comes back to me..I wonder how my bf looks like in future ( as I dun have any candidates right now ).will he fits the qualifications?i dunno..and I dun brave enough to think of it..I'm too afraid...that he doesnt fit the qualifications...I'm afraid to see my families disappointed faces...and that makes my pressure bigger and bigger...till my headache comes and i feels like crying soon! I dunno why..I just knew I've been so sensitive these days.

I wish to get one asap..I dun feels like happy with my life now.I knew I got some friends that I could hang out with..every weekends...But every human also need a partner, right? I wonder how my life would be..with a bf around..will it be much more better?or even worse? I dunno. I just knew I saw lots of happiness on my cousins smile when she got one...

I saw happiness around me...and I wonder when will mine come...

I wish you leave me...

I'm feeling bad today...Last day at office this week...I should be smiling right?
NOPE!! I was told to work OT by tomorrow...to help those marketing thingy..Shittt!!
I'm so pissed off!!!I'm not happy with it..although I'll get high pay for OT, I still prefer to enjoy my weekend..releasing all stressing things I have...
I back home and only to find out my aunties were having their dinner...I joined them (Unwillingly).
I asked whether I got a car to drive tomorrow...Her answer was just too harsh..she said why should she be so troubled whether I got a car or not..Goshhh!!!I hate it soo..I told her I had to OT and if I dint get a car to drive, I wont go to office...Then after they heard what I said..They start badmouthing...saying I should go to office whether I dint get a car to drive.Should be at 7am tomorrow ( Work start on 9am+ actually)...I feel so irritated...Those depressing things I used to have, come again..I dun like how they take control of my life...It's My LIFE!!! I controlled my own life! Not them! Yet they really like to messed with me..saying what I should done and everything just should go as what they think and said..It's OK if I asked for an advice...But they dint care I ask it or not...they just bla..bla..bla....and I should do what they said! Sorry..I'm not a princess!!and I'm sicked of it!!
I went upstairs only to find out how my sister was so lazy....We did quarreled as I dint like how she likes to shout at me! Heyyy..!!I'm the eldest and She SHOULD Respect me!!! Godddd...
I went to bathroom and did cry for 5 minutes..Idk...I'm so stressed today...I feels like wanna run away from home..Where I could have my own life...do what I want and like...and of course without anyone messed with my life..I dint have any freedom here..I'm sick...and I dunno how long it would last...