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Tuesday 30 November 2010

Blank

Ive never know it hurt this much.maybe i need my time alone. to cleared up my mind.but where should i go?there's nowhere i could goo..T-T

another misunderstanding

After days of confusion, I finally got the time to speak up my mind. I knew my statement made you shocked.You dint say anything.Its just me who said all those things that i felt so uncomfortable with. You dint even said a word. I thought you're angry with me.angry of how childish I was.You texted me when you got home.You said sorry for what has happened.You know what I feel that time?I feels like crying out loud..There're too many misunderstanding between us. As what I said, I was tired. and I know you're tired of me as well.tired of how sensitive and childish i was.

As I see the truth, I knew I was wrong all the time. I'll fixed it. I dont want to be selfish anymore.You got the right to choose with whom you are more comfortable with. I dont want to be such a very childish friend for you. I know you've tried to understand me.but all I gave you was nothing except being selfish. I just realize Im that bad.. Im way too afraid that i'd back to those lonely times.but as i thought back, I realise that I'm just lonely all the time.and nothing could help with that.

Ive never been good as a friend.Im not understanding at all. Im not supposed to let you become such a bad person for others. Its just me who're bad.not you.blame me for things that happened. you dont even need to say sorry to me.cause Im the one who wrong. Sorry for all those selfish things Ive ever done. Ive hurt so many peoples in my life. I dun wanna do it anymore. Maybe its time for me to go back to my lonely times.Its good that there's only me.so that I'll never hurt anyone again.

Saturday 27 November 2010

Letter

Looking for something in my shelves then suddenly something just dropped out from it.guess what? your letter. the letter that you gave me years ago. i read it back. i smiled. we've been thinking that life's just that simple. even there's lots of storm in front. we feels like it doesnt matter as long as we were together. i read our promises.and all those advices stuff you gave me. feels like im reading a kind of simple love letter. that really means a lot to me that time. even its not a real love letter.but i know your feeling. but i never know mine.

This letter tells everything. our secrets and untold stories were all there. does it mean something to you now? after so many years we are apart? For me, it does mean something as you have ever been a part in my life.an important part.an important friend for me.

After so many years, do you still remember our stories? or even this letter you gave me? i nearly forget them.as i always try to buried all those stuffs.cause i keep on thinking that i should forget them and start a new life.forget our stories.those things you gave me, sorry.i really lost them and i dont even remember them. so sorry for it. but i think its better if we start anew.like what we do now. a friend.

You and I know it best how to act like we have forget what has happened between us. those sweet memories...do you still remember?cause you were way too good at acting just like me.that i dont even know whether you still remember or you have letting go.

I read it back.I smiled and even laughed of how childish we were that time. life's just not that simple.like now.we've changed.you go your own ways and so do I. thanks for being a very good friend of mine.just like what you wrote in your letter. "I've never find a very good friend like you". I felt it as well. your warmth and all those things you've done for me, i'll nvr forget.Thanks for everything.may you have your brand new life and find happiness asap.and pray for me as well.

Friday 26 November 2010

=(

Its been three days.and what you've done still influenced me so much..I'm sad..being workaholic these days just help till the time i went home. i slept early to forget this hurt that comes every time i think of what you've done.have you ever been logical? NO! you've been so illogical that time.and that hurts me.

If you have the right to choose, will you choose us? from the way you talked and treat them has shown who you are and with whom you are more comfortable with. sometimes i thought, who were you actually? you are not the one i used to know. i understand that you are so difficult in this situation.you are neutral.but you know what? you just cant be neutral here.im just way too uncomfortable if you are neutral. i cant be myself.

I just smiled and laughed like Im so happy that time. is it the truth? nope. what you've done and what you said has hurt me soo. and i just pretend to smile.looking fine so that nobody knows my feeling. i dont want everybody to be uneasy with that situation. its okay. i can faced it alone.like what i used to do.

You think Im that big-hearted?no..cause you never give me the reasons behind what you've done. you never try to explained what has happened and you just pretend everything's fine.why? why were you always like this? i'm tired with lots of misunderstanding around us.with you always never even try to explained the real things behind. the truth.I dont want to be like this anymore.i've ever said that i'll be definitely tired someday.and yes. im definitely tired now. and i've given up on a friend like you.

From that time, i think i know what i should be doing.just stay as common friends.i'll nvr treat a person who ever hurt me as close or even best friends.here's just no place for you anymore. you're way too harsh by your acts.

Friday 19 November 2010

Giving without receiving

Hey, i always think that everything in life must go by both sides.we couldnt just give without receiving any returns.Thats what i thought..but too bad.seems like all im doing is giving.and im not receiving anything.either in friendship or anythings in life.kinda sad as im the only one who sacrifice things, giving things,passion, and worked so hard for this friendship..and what i received?none!

Im not expecting any returns. i just hope things can flow by both sides.without me always be the one who sacrifice things for others happiness.always make people laugh,forget their sadness,Im giving all these.and who cares when Im sad? no one..its good that im used to it.

But all things cant go this way.Im tired.extremely tired.and im nearly give up on these.Whats the point of giving so much passions, sacrifice all my important things just for them if they dont even care or doing the same things as i do? Im just asking for understanding.things cant go just by me.who always be the one active.

There's no point to care bout others who dont even care bout me.kinda regret all those sacrifying things ive done.

Maybe from now on, i should live for myself.think for myself and not for others..

Monday 8 November 2010

Married?

Well...how do you feel when one of your friends is getting married soon?
That's what happened to me.I was shocked! till i told her that April fool's day has gone so many months ago! Lol..

Yeahh..she's getting married soon..when I'm still single...
Is it me that enjoy my single life too much when I should have find someone for life? or is it her that get married too fast? Idk..but I was too shocked when she told me that she has already book the reception place and decided the wedding date since some months ago..Lol..

Anyway,Wish u all the best for your upcoming married life, friends!
Ive never thought that you'll get married that fast...(Since you said you wouldnt) =)

between real and unreal..

Your existence give lots of meanings to my life..
What I gotta do?
Cant get you out of my mind...
Ive tried to tell myself that I've been thinking too much..
and maybe memories between us just come out so sudden..
That makes me kinda miss that time..
When we shared things together..
When I felt that you are the most comfortable person for me to rely on..
But now things have changed..
You and I were not the one we used to be..
And maybe its only me who still carry on our memories..
You have moved on..
But its getting hard on me...
I miss you in my life..